Week 3 on Sertraline and nearing my 8 month pain anniversary

I cancelled the steroid injection procedure.

I am religiously stretching and trying to take care of myself. I am being honest to my body and trying not to be lazy with my posture whether I'm sitting, standing or laying down. I tried on some trousers in Next the other day and realised how ridiculous my anterior pelvic tilt is and how much strain I'm putting on my lower back and associated muscles. Stupid sticky-out bum!!!

With regards to my mood there have been a few changes. Two nights ago I felt very flat; indifferent to all that was going on around me. I also realised that before I started taking these tablets I was crying myself to sleep most nights and I haven't shed a tear since my panic attack and collapse. What's very unusual is that I haven't really felt like crying at all and that in itself is very unusual for me. Obviously I am pleased that I'm not bawling my eyes out or crying at my desk anymore, but I'm a pretty teary person no matter what my depressive state - it must be the tablets taking over! Interesting.

Yesterday evening I went swimming again with my pullbuoy float. I swam for about an hour and even did some gentle leg kicking. I walked and jogged along the pool floor, using the water's resistance and the float to support me. When I got home I did some serious stretching, iced my hip while eating dinner and then slept with a hot water bottle close to the area through the night.

Today I feel achey but not in a sinister way... My body hurts in a good way, I think. I don't believe I've over-exerted myself but I know that I've worked my muscles. It feels brilliant.


Simply, I am in a good mood.

:-)

Week two on Sertraline

The side effects have subsided. I am hungry again and my dizzy spells have reduced. I've always had trouble moderating my body temperature but I have felt very hot lately but that's no biggie compared to last week's events.

However, it's Friday today and I feel incredibly low. The pain returned on Monday evening and has lingered ever since.

I have seen another GP and he has classified me as having mild clinical anxiety and moderate clinical depression. I'm not sure what the 'clinical' bit means but it sounds rather formal, doesn't it! Meanwhile, I continue to go to work but feel the strain an awful lot more. I can snap out of my low mood for brief periods but I'm physically exhausted from it.

I went swimming last night and rested a float between my legs so that I wouldn't kick them. It felt good to use my arm muscles and although I was adamant I'd be really achey today - no such luck! It's funny to crave that tired muscle ache but it's been so long since I really exerted myself I think my body is missing the challenge and is getting more tired of being so sedentary.

Not that I am actually sedentary, but compared to how I was I'm almost a fossil.

I feel like a fossil trapped in a big old hunk of rock. Pretty cosy but feeling alone and unable to crack the rock - at least not yet.

Sickness, Sertraline and some super side affects...?

Living with pain every day for 7 months is hard. It takes its toll on a human.

When you stop exercising and you realise that sport is your only release for tension and stress, there's nowhere for those feelings to go.

The energy you once had seeps out through the pores in your skin. Like a slow puncture, sometimes it's difficult to realise just what's happening; in-denial or otherwise, it takes a lot to face up and see that things are deteriorating and things aren't ok.

I'm not sure whether it's because I'm older now, or whether times have changed, but personally I feel that the stigma around mental health has lifted slightly. I have had a few bouts of depression and anxiety in the past (which I ignored for far too long), so I knew it was time to see my GP when I manned-up to the fact I felt like a flat tyre. 

I had a really good talk with the doctor (on a Saturday morning, no less!) and she listened to my concerns thoroughly. She thought that Sertraline would be the best option to boost my seratonin levels so started me on a 50mg dose once a day. She also said that this boost may actually ease the pain in my hip due to the chemical balance in the brain. When she said that, I had no apprehension - it was certainly worth a shot.

The day I went to the doctors I felt a little dodgy with a slight tummy upset, and in the morning before my appointment I didn't want to eat anything. I took the first tablet on Saturday before a pub lunch and things began to deteriorate later on. In the evening I felt extremely nauseas, didn't eat another thing and went to bed early. On Sunday morning I still had no appetite - a feeling i'd never ever experienced - and was a bit shaky. I assumed it was the fish I'd had at lunchtime before, combined with the tummy upset that was already lurking there. After a trip in the car to the coast for some fresh air I still didn't feel any better, and when I got home I needed to go back to bed.

The severe nausea continued on Monday and Tuesday but I forced myself to eat rice for dinner and banana during the day plus LOADS of water and squash. By Tuesday evening I thought I was over it and contemplated going back to work.

On Wednesday I got up and started to get ready for work. I ate Weetabix and was looking forward to getting out of the house. It was warm outside and as I walked to work I felt well enough. Yet when I got to my desk and was catching up with a colleague I felt very faint. I sat down, whacked the fan on and drunk tons of water. Minutes later I got up and sprinted towards the toilets, adamant I was going to puke everywhere, but before I got to the door I lost my vision and hearing and flung myself into the nearest office (which happened to be HR!) and got on the floor.

For the next 2 hours I felt nauseas and faint and moved between laying down flat and sitting up against the wall. Being on the floor didn't do wonders for my hip, I can tell you that for free! As I laid on the floor I had double-vision and felt generally mega weird. A temporary bed was made and my colleagues and the first aider helped me onto it while they contacted my GP. After that I'm unsure what happened but I know that I was on the phone to 111, shivering uncontrollably, losing sensation in my legs and arms and slurring my speech. I freaked out and had a panic attack. I could see my chest going nuts and couldn't control it for a good few minutes. 

The paramedic arrived and I started to calm down once I could actually comprehend what was happening. Obs were ok, but a little low, and after a few more tests I ended up going to hospital in an ambulance. After lots more tests with an amazing emergency doctor and his team, it was decided that thanks to the hideous concoction of tummy bug + not eating + the introduction of Sertraline + the hottest day of the year = collapse. 

It's Thursday evening now, and to add to the fun I've come on my period which also means that hormones probably played a good part in yesterday's events. The good thing is that I'm well enough to look at a screen and I think I'm understanding the side affects of this medication after a bit of Googling. It's always a bit traumatic reading the leaflets that accompany medication; WARNING - MAY CAUSE DEATH etc. but on various forums there were plenty of people who'd experienced loss of appetite and crazy dizziness. In most cases, these side affects tend to subside, apparently. It may take days, it may take weeks, but today I was able to recognise my dizzy spells, my sick spells, and just waited for them to pass. Sometimes this meant going back to bed or laying down but at least today I knew what was happening.

Let's see how this goes...!