Week 3 on Sertraline and nearing my 8 month pain anniversary

I cancelled the steroid injection procedure.

I am religiously stretching and trying to take care of myself. I am being honest to my body and trying not to be lazy with my posture whether I'm sitting, standing or laying down. I tried on some trousers in Next the other day and realised how ridiculous my anterior pelvic tilt is and how much strain I'm putting on my lower back and associated muscles. Stupid sticky-out bum!!!

With regards to my mood there have been a few changes. Two nights ago I felt very flat; indifferent to all that was going on around me. I also realised that before I started taking these tablets I was crying myself to sleep most nights and I haven't shed a tear since my panic attack and collapse. What's very unusual is that I haven't really felt like crying at all and that in itself is very unusual for me. Obviously I am pleased that I'm not bawling my eyes out or crying at my desk anymore, but I'm a pretty teary person no matter what my depressive state - it must be the tablets taking over! Interesting.

Yesterday evening I went swimming again with my pullbuoy float. I swam for about an hour and even did some gentle leg kicking. I walked and jogged along the pool floor, using the water's resistance and the float to support me. When I got home I did some serious stretching, iced my hip while eating dinner and then slept with a hot water bottle close to the area through the night.

Today I feel achey but not in a sinister way... My body hurts in a good way, I think. I don't believe I've over-exerted myself but I know that I've worked my muscles. It feels brilliant.


Simply, I am in a good mood.

:-)

MRI arthrogram 'results'

Hmph.

Positives:
I don't have arthritis
I don't need a hip replacement
No tears in the labarum

Negatives:
Still no diagnosis
Next step is steroid injection

The consultant said the MRI results were good: no impingement anywhere and the hip is well lubricated. He then said that this is something that is probably going to go away on its own. I wasn't sure how to react to this. The fact that it's still a 'something' is not really good enough for me; what the heck is it? Why can't I get any treatment for the muscular pain now, if he thinks that's what it is?

Argh.

I've chosen to have the steroid injection under anaesthetic, so that my body doesn't react the way it did when I had my arthrogram. 4 days on and I keep worrying that I've made the wrong choice and whether I should go away and get some physiotherapy myself; try some acupuncture; try hypnotherapy... all those things.

Deep down, I do feel that this problem - whatever it is - is going to take a long, long, time to heal. When I am honest with myself, I know that I'm the one who damaged myself and I know exactly how much exercise I did after I felt that initial pain.

Stupid girl.

From September to December I played netball games, did pilates (straining the psoas), went swimming (kicking my legs and doing breast stroke), did yoga (turning my feet out, putting huge pressure on my groin and pelvis), I ran (on the road, on the treadmill). For 3 months I was exercising with a serious injury, in denial the whole time.

Stupid girl.

I'm booked in for the injection on the 1st May. I have to decide whether I want to go ahead with this treatment or not.